When we come to this earth, we do not form any judgments on other people. It can be said to be a time when we really feel like we are in paradise. But eventually, we gain education and knowledge- from society, books, neighbors, our culture, etc. Eventually, we understand the difference between one person and the next. It is during these periods that we start to form a different opinion about others and end up with ‘judgments’ and a judging ability.
While most people would tell you not to judge others, it is not really possible to not judge. You can say that judging is almost human nature. It may have come down to us via evolution. Think about the time when we were developing into modern homo sapiens. More than half of our lives were spend judging and gauging a specific situation and trying to make the most out of it. Is there a predator here or maybe a prey? How should we progress? How can we use our minimal tools to take on a large prey?
There were always such situations where you had to make a judgment and based on that, you had to make your next move. That kind of judgment-making capability must have translated into more advanced times too. If we think logically, we might be able to realize that Neanderthals were just like us. So, when we came across them, we probably had this judging ability tinging. With this judging ability, we thought of them as hostile. The rest – well, it is history. The least that we can say is – we survived and are the surviving breed now.
So, if we trace our evolution and look at our nature, we cannot deny that it is this judging ability of ours that has helped us grow and become who we are as of now. It is this judging ability that may have protected us from a wide range of people whom we could not trust, who may have harmed us and in the process, helped us to move forward. Judging others is probably how our mind processes other people. We like to compartmentalize others in a certain way.
Think of our judging ability as a way to look into the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ of things. When we come across a person, our wiser self knows that this person can have many layers of character in them. There isn’t a fixed black or white – that is, a fixed bad or good quality in them. However, despite having wisdom that says otherwise, our mind already creates a scale that has two extremes on either side – the extreme good and the extreme bad. Now, it is on our judging ability to judge and put the person near one of these extremes – either the person is marginally good or the person is marginally bad. And that is how we decipher the ‘gray area’ of a character and either befriend them or avoid them entirely.
So, it is completely okay to dislike someone. What is not okay is to be manipulative to the point where you make others dislike the same person for your reasons. While your defense mechanism or judging ability has shown some red flags about a person, it does not mean that the person is bad for everyone. You are no one to intrude on someone else’s judging ability and judge on behalf of them. Yes, you can dislike a person, but do not make a person a criminal in the eyes of society. They may not have your friendship, they may not deserve it – but they do not deserve isolation either. They do not deserve condemnation too just because you dislike them.
You are not the judge and jury acting on behalf of society. So, don’t recruit people for disliking others. Dislike someone silently. Let not your judgment spread like a contagion on others.